Added on Feb 14th, 2011 by Mark Sandford
"Honor your father and mother" is at the end of the first of Moses' two tablets (among commandments regarding our relationship with God), and introduces the second tablet (commandments regarding our relationships with other people). It has often been noted that this is because honoring parents affects our relationship with God, and that this, in turn, deeply influences our relationships with other people. It is therefore hard to imagine that breaking this commandment would not have far reaching consequences in the lives and relationships of every human being!
But the first question the student raised is, can we make a "formula" out of dealing with the effects of breaking this commandment? Does this truly underlie every ongoing negative pattern in people's lives? We do recognize that there are some negative patterns that have nothing to do with bitter roots. For example, a person can develop an addiction to pain killers solely in reaction to the stress caused by a prolonged period of physical pain. His addiction may have no childhood root.
However, this person will find it much easier to kick the habit than, say, a person who judged a parent who abused him as a child and left him to handle the pain alone. In that case, resentment can cause the addiction to be much more compulsive. So I would reframe the question: Do all ongoing deep-seated problems that do not respond with relative ease to surface interventions (such as emotional venting, change of environment, or deliberate efforts so suppress a surface habit) stem from breakage of the fifth commandment?
To understand the answer to that question, it will help to understand the answer to another question the student raised--how does the principle we teach about the fifth commandment apply to orphans who have no parents to judge? This question reveals a narrow understanding (actually a misunderstanding) of the principle in question. And perhaps that is why the student objected to what he perceived as a "formula." Part of the answer is that the principle isn't confined to earthly parents per se. It's about anyone who has influenced our picture of what a "parent" (whether earthly or heavenly) is like. For an orphan, that can be adoptive parents. Or if he is not adopted, it could be the headmistress of the orphanage, the pimp who holds him (or her) prisoner, or even the adult strangers he meets on the street as he tries to eke out a meager living on his own. This is entirely in keeping with the Hebrew use of the words, "father" and "mother." Hebrews used those terms to describe anyone in a parental role. For instance, Elijah called Elisha "my father" although Elisha was not his biological son (2 Ki. 1:12).
Furthermore, the judgments we form are not only toward parents and other parental figures. Usually they are, because in our early years parents and parental figures are most prominent. But judgments can also be formed in reaction to siblings, extended family, teachers and others; even the neighborhood bully.
It should also be noted that although most bitter root judgments are formed in childhood, if a person is traumatized deeply enough (for instance, by violent rape or war experiences), he can be tempted to form a bitter root judgment in adulthood. However, experience tells us that this is far less common, and that bitter roots formed in adulthood are almost always less powerful than ones formed earlier in life.
Now back to the reframed question: "Do all ongoing deep-seated problems that do not respond with relative ease to surface interventions (such as emotional venting, change of environment, or deliberate efforts so suppress a surface habit) stem from breakage of the fifth commandment?" Do they always stem from judging parents? We believe that in the majority of cases they do. The remainder stem from judging someone else.
Tags : Mark Sandford, Honoring Father and Mother
Why do we put so much emphasis on the fifth commandment ("Honor your father and mother")? [in answer to a video school student's questions]:
"Honor your father and mother" is at the end of the first of Moses' two tablets (among commandments regarding our relationship with God), and introduces the second tablet (commandments regarding our relationships with other people). It has often been noted that this is because honoring parents affects our relationship with God, and that this, in turn, deeply influences our relationships with other people. It is therefore hard to imagine that breaking this commandment would not have far reaching consequences in the lives and relationships of every human being!
But the first question the student raised is, can we make a "formula" out of dealing with the effects of breaking this commandment? Does this truly underlie every ongoing negative pattern in people's lives? We do recognize that there are some negative patterns that have nothing to do with bitter roots. For example, a person can develop an addiction to pain killers solely in reaction to the stress caused by a prolonged period of physical pain. His addiction may have no childhood root.
However, this person will find it much easier to kick the habit than, say, a person who judged a parent who abused him as a child and left him to handle the pain alone. In that case, resentment can cause the addiction to be much more compulsive. So I would reframe the question: Do all ongoing deep-seated problems that do not respond with relative ease to surface interventions (such as emotional venting, change of environment, or deliberate efforts so suppress a surface habit) stem from breakage of the fifth commandment?
To understand the answer to that question, it will help to understand the answer to another question the student raised--how does the principle we teach about the fifth commandment apply to orphans who have no parents to judge? This question reveals a narrow understanding (actually a misunderstanding) of the principle in question. And perhaps that is why the student objected to what he perceived as a "formula." Part of the answer is that the principle isn't confined to earthly parents per se. It's about anyone who has influenced our picture of what a "parent" (whether earthly or heavenly) is like. For an orphan, that can be adoptive parents. Or if he is not adopted, it could be the headmistress of the orphanage, the pimp who holds him (or her) prisoner, or even the adult strangers he meets on the street as he tries to eke out a meager living on his own. This is entirely in keeping with the Hebrew use of the words, "father" and "mother." Hebrews used those terms to describe anyone in a parental role. For instance, Elijah called Elisha "my father" although Elisha was not his biological son (2 Ki. 1:12).
Furthermore, the judgments we form are not only toward parents and other parental figures. Usually they are, because in our early years parents and parental figures are most prominent. But judgments can also be formed in reaction to siblings, extended family, teachers and others; even the neighborhood bully.
It should also be noted that although most bitter root judgments are formed in childhood, if a person is traumatized deeply enough (for instance, by violent rape or war experiences), he can be tempted to form a bitter root judgment in adulthood. However, experience tells us that this is far less common, and that bitter roots formed in adulthood are almost always less powerful than ones formed earlier in life.
Now back to the reframed question: "Do all ongoing deep-seated problems that do not respond with relative ease to surface interventions (such as emotional venting, change of environment, or deliberate efforts so suppress a surface habit) stem from breakage of the fifth commandment?" Do they always stem from judging parents? We believe that in the majority of cases they do. The remainder stem from judging someone else.
Tags : Mark Sandford, Honoring Father and Mother